I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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