It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
