I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
