Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
