matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? šš
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day šš#pensacolaproblems
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Iāve gotta be honest, I didnāt expect to have sex. I didnāt shave... anything. You couldnāt have been impressed.
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