After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
