if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
