Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
