Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
