just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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