I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
