Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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