I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
