Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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