o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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