How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
