I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
