btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
