fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
