oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
