A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
