my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
