People with herpes should wear stickers.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
