Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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