i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You smell like stripper and shame
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
