Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
