I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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