Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
