I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My life is pants optional.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
