Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Randomize
