I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
