He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
