shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
