onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
