My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
