My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
