Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
