so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
