i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I want to be your penis for a week.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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