the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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