I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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