im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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