if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
