I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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