would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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