This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
