I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
