Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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