I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
