the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
