WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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