I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I cockslap morals
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
