what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
