He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
