he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
