dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
