glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
