so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
