I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
